Italia Jackets

What do you think of this poem?

A Moment Remembered The cobbles are black today Smothered in the rain They call to mind a memory A day like today, but long ago A snapshot in time A woman, rushed in her raincoat Hood slipping from her forehead Revealing strands of gray With a hand pulling it back down Absent is a glint of gold A man, suited in black Like a god, swaggering Mindless of mere water For how can it hurt him In the shell of his ego A collision No longer of space and time But of two bodies; two souls A slam, bang, connection of hearts Melded but unknowing Separated soul mates Perfect for each other; ridiculous to all else Crude creations searching for meaning Minds simply tagging along Waiting for the moment reunited (I've entered it in a contest for flashquake magazine. Do you think I have a chance?)

Public Comments

1. Dont' give up your day job ...
2. Its dumb, i don't know why i even read the first part... Go do something different.
3. wow i love poetry and could never write something so great!i think you have a good chance.hope you win!
4. I like it. I got very vivid mental images. It really conjures them up. :)
5. i love it!!!!
6. Some lines are great...other parts need work. You never know what will be chosen for a contest. Good luck. Stanza 1: lines 1, 2, &4 are good 3 &5 need to be less cliche. Stanza 2 line 3 need to be more creative Stanza 3 line 5 needs to be more creative Stanza 4 good Stanza 5: line 3 is good, the others need to be less cliche.
7. I take this to be about an extra-marital affair. It's good. It's strong, but there are several images that are clichés, and others which seem to carry us nowhere. The last two stanzas need some serious reworking if you're to have a chance, as well as the clichés in the first. I'd cut some of the words of the second to match the third, also cutting Like, For, and In in that one. Rethink some of your verbs to direct discourse and active rather than infinitive voice. I doubt you have a chance as it stands, but a rewrite and submission might to this or another contest.
8. Wow that's very good. it painted a wonderful picture. I like how those simple words gave a lot of meaning. Nice choice of words. You have a very big chance of winning!
9. It's not complete. Or if it is, I'm missing quite a bit of story between the third and the fourth stanza.