Italia Jackets

Please Read My Story and Help Me!!?

know its pretty long but I would really appreciate it. How can I improve and and when should I start new paragraphs? I don't when to start a new paragraphy correctly. Thanks!! Sorry if in wrong section. I clumsily staggered into a corner shop, slamming the old wooden door behind me. A screw broke loose and fell to the floor - the only thing that could be heard in the eerie silence. The merciless rain banged frantically on the flimsy wooden frame, but it held firm. I gave a sheepish look to the bemused shopkeeper who had spilt coffee over his newspaper. The old man grunted as he turned away from me and began a frantic search for some paper towels. I heard a high-pitched noise behind me. I swung round only to see a baby wrapped up tightly in a pram, crying. As I looked up, I saw a woman wearing a yellow raincoat from shoulders to ankles. She gave me a burning cold stare; her green raging eyes had a hold on me. I averted my eyesight and quickly picked up a tin of green beans next to me, pretending not to notice her. I slowly crept to the counter where the shopkeeper had settled down in his wooden chair. He was clutching a half torn newspaper and what was left of his coffee. “49p please” he told me. I had a beleaguered look on my face. I had no idea why he was asking me for 49 pence. He nodded towards my waist where I held the tin of beans. “Oh, sorry!” I replied as I fished around in my pockets frantically searching for change. I slammed a 50p coin next to the till, and rushed out of the shop, leaving the beans behind me. I opened the door that I had slammed not a minute ago. Its not the finished version btw What kind of person do you think my character is like? 49 pence is british for about $1 lol, lost fan - Its a descriptive story, its meant to be like that!

Public Comments

1. Not bad but don't give too many adjectives coz your giving to many descriptions but its good
2. its good ilike the story, As for paragraph ( and spelling and grammar) its something as a writer YOU need to on. Its got potential
3. Good Job.